the smile that lit up my world.

So Anne-Kelly has started smiling in the last week! At first, it was just those little practice smiles in her sleep, but now she has started full-fledged smiling. When Brent got home from work yesterday, he squatted down in front of her (she was still in her car seat carrier, as we had just returned home as well) and she broke into the biggest smile! It was like she almost laughed and said, "Daddy, I'm so glad you're home!!" This made both of our days. Funny how one little smile can mean so much.
I cannot believe how fast she has developed. One month ago she was only able to express unhappiness by crying, but now she can show us she's happy, sad, amused, content, etc. Also, she couldn't focus at first, but now she's following faces, toys, and, her favorite, the ceiling fan. I can't wait to see what she's going to do next! I'm so in love.

Which is probably the reason why I haven't updated my blog as often since her birth. I've been crazy busy! If you've never taken care of a newborn you really haven't lived. It's growing both Brent and me in ways that we could have never imagined, both good and bad. It's definitely challenging, but more than that, I feel immeasurably blessed to be trusted with this precious life. She is such a sweet angel.


I took her to the pediatrician for her six week check-up this morning. They were very pleased with her progress. Since she started out weighing only five lbs. eight oz., they were very excited that she now weighs seven lbs. six-and-a-half oz. She's also now 21 inches long, which means she's grown over two inches since birth! Also, she is now nursing like a professional, which explains why she's growing so well. That is a huge answered prayer for me and for Brent.


On a separate note, Brent has been rather stressed out lately and could use some prayer. He has had to go to Charlotte for a week out of the month already, and he has to return all next week for a course on welding inspection (Can you believe I remembered what it was called, honey???).

Apparently the course is really tough, and Brent is already studying in the evenings this week. Please pray that he would have a good week during the course next week, and that he would easily absorb the knowledge and therefore, do well on the test next Saturday.

Since Brent is going away again, I am going to go back to Kentucky for a visit. I was just there last week, and I had originally planned for AK and I to go to Charlotte with him next week. But since it's going to be such a stressful course, he decided it might be better for him to go alone. I imagine that it might be very difficult to study with Anne around, as she's not exactly a quiet baby in the evenings :)


None of my family is very upset that I'm coming back next week, as they were all quite taken with her last week. My dad's mom, who I call Nanny, spent most of last week rocking Anne-Kelly and singing to her (Nanny is notorious for singing a spectacular rendition of "You are My Sunshine"). And last weekend, Sandy and Trey (Brent's mom and brother) came to visit. We had a great time, but it was also a bittersweet weekend, as Sunday would have been Brent's dad's 47th birthday. I think that being all together helped Sandy immeasurably. I was glad.


Well, this sweet baby is waking up, so that's all I know to tell you. Now back to my regular routine: watching the Andy Griffith Show and nursing this baby. It sure is an exciting life that I lead!

my return from oblivion.

So it has been a long while since the last time I wrote. For those of you who don't know....I am now a mother! I know Brent wrote in the blog since Anne-Kelly's birth, but I figured it was about time for me to come out of hiding. Blame it on new-mothering, blame it on hormones, or blame it on the fact that the last few weeks have been some of the craziest of my life, but I honestly haven't had the time to write. So let me recount the whole experience from the beginning:

In my last post, I think I wrote about feeling "anxious" and "anticipatory" about Anne-Kelly's birth. I was being a bit coy, as I knew I was being induced on the 17th :) Please forgive me, everyone, but we wanted to keep it quiet as to not worry anyone. They made the decision to induce after the many weeks of checking on AK and my supposedly faulty placenta. Once I reached 39 weeks, the doctors said, there was a greater risk of leaving her in me and my placenta breaking down and cutting off her oxygen and nutritional supply than taking her out and her being fine. Apparently babies are full term anytime after 38 weeks. Who knew? Needless to say, it was first hard to hear the news that my hopes for a completely natural labor were shattered. But, after a lot of prayer, as you might note from my earlier posts, I realized that the safety of our child was the most important factor. So I agreed to the induction. And on the night of the 16th, Brent and I went on over to Greenville Memorial Hospital and checked in. They administered a medicine to cause my cervix to efface (thin out), and I was a bit worried about possibly not progressing well as my cervix was only 25% effaced and 1 cm dilated. A lot of first-timers end up with caesarean sections because they fail to progress when induced, and that was my biggest fear. So I prayed that the Lord's will would prevail, but if I'm honest, I also begged the Lord to please please please let me progress! I also still wanted to go as far as I could without intervention and pain meds.

So, at seven am on the morning of the 17th, I was hooked up to an I.V. drip of Pitocin (or the devil drug as I fondly call it!). Almost immediately the contractions began - wham! Then Dr. Twedt came in and basically gave me an ultimatum: let me break your water and progress faster or don't break your water and you might still be here when we change shifts in 24 hours. I really didn't want my water broken, but I eventually agreed as I wanted to progress as effectively as possible. A word to the wise: if you are ever in labor and are offered the option of having your water broken, be prepared for the intensity to change significantly as soon as that water gets broken. My contractions went from about a 3 on the pain scale to an immediate 9 or 10 after Dr. Twedt took care of business. However, thanks to our fabulous Bradley method instruction (I love you, Mary!) we were able to handle this intensity by using our various positions and strategies. Mary had told me during our training that I would quickly figure out what worked for me and what didn't, as far as what was comfortable during labor and delivery. That was obvious. I absolutely hated laboring while standing up. I loved being on all fours over the birth ball. I also loved sitting with my legs crossed while Brent held heat to my back (ah! how I loved back labor.). But my favorite position was on the porcelain throne. I'll just leave that to your imagination.

Anyway, all of this labor went on for a few hours, and Michelle, my fabulous nurse, came in to check me. The contractions had been intense, and I fully expected to be at least at a 5. She checked me, and I was a THREE. "A three?!" I said. I couldn't believe it. So upsetting after all my hard work. However, this was at about noon, and suddenly my contractions changed, as did my state of mind. Up until then, I felt very "in control" and focused. I didn't want anyone touching me or talking to me during contractions. I often hummed the melody of "In Christ Alone" during my contractions. However, when everything changed around noon, I felt totally out of control. I began doubting myself and begging Brent for me to take me out of my misery. It was at this point that I began contemplating getting an epidural. If we had paid attention to our Bradley training, we would have realized that I was in transition. For those of you who don't know, transition is the period of labor right before you begin pushing. It is characterized by contractions that are not only intensely and unbearably painful, but also by a change in a woman's state of mind to this "out of control" and "overwhelmed" mentality. Unfortunately, as this was our first baby, and because the nurses told us that I had "at least three or four more hours until pushing" we finally broke down and said that we would like to have pain relief.

So in comes the anaesthesiologist, and they administer the epidural all while I'm in excruciating pain. I jokingly told Brent that I was glad there weren't any sharp objects in the room at this point, because I was indeed ready to put myself out of my own misery! So they give me the epidural, which by the way, I didn't even notice going in, and guess what?? It doesn't take. My left leg gets a little tingly, and that's it! It was at about this time that I started telling my nurse that she might want to check me because I felt a lot of pressure down in "that area." This, to them, was totally unexpected, as I was a first time mom, and as I said above, it's rare for it to go quickly for a first-timer. So she checks my cervix, laughs, and says, "This girl is at a NINE! You'll be pushing in just a minute." So unfortunately, the nurse anaethetist takes this to mean that I needed even more numbing meds, which I didn't want at all. So she shoots even more epidural medicine into the catheter. Great.

On a side note, my mom and my mother-in-law, Sandy, were both planning on being in on the delivery. This was something we had worked out and wanted from the beginning. Because they thought that I was going to be at least three or four more hours, my mom and dad as well as Sandy headed downstairs to eat lunch. So when Brent found out that we were about to have a baby, he texted his mom, and she told my mom and dad. Apparently it was very dramatic as they all raced upstairs and into the room. I imagine it being something like what you might see on an episode of Friends, haha.

So in they come, all three of them (including my dad, who ended up being there as well) just as I'm getting ready to push. I was still not numb, which was great, because I got to feel my entire delivery, just as I wanted to do. The whole pushing process took place over the course of only a few contractions, and I pushed a total of about six times. Giving birth to Anne-Kelly was the most amazingly exhilirating experience of my life! It is not the horrible experience that so many women tell about. It was perfect. It was like I knew that this moment was what God made me to do. I'd never felt stronger in my life. Right after her birth, they placed her on my chest, and I got to bond with her immediately. This was an amazing blessing.

Unfortunately, the extra epidural meds kicked in about a half hour after her birth, and then I went numb from the chest down. This was a bit scary, as I felt like I couldn't breathe. This sort of ruined a few hours for me, but after such an amazing birth, I try not to focus on this part too much. No one's birth experience can go completely perfectly.

But the important part is that God is, as usual, so good. And in the words of my favorite musician, Sara Groves, "He's always been faithful to me." And more than ever, he was on the day of my sweet girl's birth.

So, since her birth, we have had many visitors and lots of happenings, both good and bad. My mom has been so gracious to stay with me and help care for Anne-Kelly during my recovery, which hasn't been exactly complication-free. Long story short, I had some prolonged bleeding in the two weeks after the birth, and I had to have outpatient surgery last Friday to remove fragments of retained placenta, which is what was causing the bleeding. This was not exactly a lot of fun, but I got through it, again, with the Lord's help. Unfortunately, they did a spinal block for this surgery, and I ended up with a spinal headache that just now went away three or four days later! I'm not complaining, but I've definitely learned why the saying goes, "When it rains, it pours!"

So enough about me! I have a couple other updates and prayer requests.

Unfortunately, our family has been hit with yet another tragedy. As I've spoken about earlier, Brent's dad died in April after a long battle against brain cancer. In the past week, Gary's brother, Dale, has undergone brain surgery for what appears to be some sort of mass on in the cerebellum portion of his brain. We don't yet know if the mass is the same kind of cancer that Gary had, but we should know within a few days. Also, Dale is being moved to the rehab hospital here in Greenville and is not yet able to go home, as he is not recovering as quickly as the doctors hoped he would after his surgery. Please pray for his recovery and for a more positive diagnosis.

In spite of all these happenings, we still hang on to these words: "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

This is our promise. I'll leave you with this last thought from my favorite author Elisabeth Elliot. This was the daily devotional for today on her website, and it really spoke to my heart. Hope it does yours some good as well.

Title: God's Secret Purpose
Author: Elisabeth Elliot

Whatever the enemy of our souls can do to instill doubt about the real
purpose of the Father of our souls, he will certainly try to do. "Hath God
said?" was his question to Eve, and she trusted him, the enemy, and doubted God.
Each time the suspicion arises that God is really "out to get us," that He is
bent on making us miserable or thwarting any good we might seek, we are calling
Him a liar. His secret purpose has been revealed to us, and it is to bring us
finally, not to ruin, but to glory. That is precisely what the Bible tells us:
"His secret purpose framed from the very beginning [is] to bring us to our full
glory" (1 Cor 2:7 NEB).

I know of no more steadying hope on which to focus my mind when
circumstances tempt me to wonder why God doesn't "do something." He is always
doing something--the very best thing, the thing we ourselves would certainly
choose if we knew the end from the beginning. He is at work to bring us to our
full glory.

Copyright 1985, used with permission