mmmm....honesty

I won't say, "It's been a while" like I normally do when I begin my blogs. Even though, yes, since Anne-Kelly has been here it always does seem to be a long while between my blogs. Anyway, it's a busy life, and I do the best I can. That's all we're doing, right?

It is with that question in mind that I write tonight. I just received an email from my mother-in-law, Sandy, expressing her feelings about going through the loss of her beloved husband, Gary. It's been a hard few months since his death, and it's gotten even harder. For those of you all who don't know, we lost Gary's only brother, Dale, to a similar brain tumor on October 8, exactly six months to the day since my father-in-law's death. As if the brain tumor diagnoses weren't strange enough, huh?

Anyway, as you can probably guess, this has put no small strain on the McDaris family and those who love them (there are a lot of you out there: thank you!) Getting through the death of one loved one is hard enough, but dealing with two is nearly impossible, it seems. And after I say the word impossible, that verse about nothing being impossible with God pops into my head. But let's be honest. I know that some might consider what I'm about to say blasphemy, but it's the truth, at least for me. Bible verses like that do provide comfort, don't get me wrong. But in the here and now, things do seem pretty impossible sometimes, at least for people like my mother-in-law and our aunt Whitney (Dale's wife) and the parents of both Gary and Dale. And if I were them (which I'm not and can't officially speak for them), I would feel pretty defeated.

So I guess I say all that to say: I'm proud of my mother-in-law and the fact that she is so honest about her struggles. I think it takes a lot of courage to admit that you're not a superhero in your grieving process. No one is, but just like anything else in life, people like to pretend when they're going through something that they're coping really well. However, it's only through admitting our struggles that we are able to really comfort one another. The brutality of being completely honest is so empowering. For example, Sandy helps Whitney because she is so open. She doesn't just quote a bible verse at her and tell her that that should get her through. She tells her that she gets upset and cries in department stores and over ticket stubs. This is all incredibly normal stuff, but a lot of people that are going through it don't realize that it's normal because everyone is afraid to admit it. This also applies to me as a new mom. If other moms who have been new moms didn't admit to me that they too didn't have perfectly clean houses with laundry always done, I would never know that I wasn't a total mess. Sometimes I feel like a total mess, but I know that I'm really not, thanks to friends like Sheena Abrams and Mary Kury and Angie Gibson. And I hope that I can be that sort of comfort to my friends who are about to become parents. People need people. Honestly. God didn't put us all here to not be there for each other. My friends Kristy and Chelsea and Anna are really good at that. So is Alyson Nelson. And more than anybody, my friend Ameroy seems to have this weird sixth sense sort of knack to know when to send me a card. Usually they come on days when I'm feeling completely defeated and I just cry when I open them at the mailbox. Sometimes I feel terrible because I don't send that many cards, but it's just not my thing like it is Ameroy's. And she gets that, and this is why she and I work so well as friends.

So I guess I end this rambling blog by saying that I really appreciate all my good girlfriends that make me feel a little less insane every day. I could not make it without you girls. And I know that you ladies will be the ones who will hold me up should I ever go through something as excruciating as losing a spouse. And please know that I'm here to hold you up as well. So don't be afraid to ask.

And now I leave you with an adorable photo of my darling daughter dressed as a horse on Halloween, sitting next to her cute buddy Cameron....