no explanation required

just read this quick thought by one of my favorites, elisabeth elliot. thought it was worth sharing. here it is. enjoy.

We sometimes imagine that God must eventually "sit us down" and "explain" his mysterious ways to our satisfaction. Let us suppose we have never seen a skyscraper. We discover a whole city block surrounded by a board fence. Finding a knothole, we peer inside. Huge earth movers are at work; hundreds of men in hard hats are busy at mysterious tasks; cranes are being moved into place; truckloads of pipes and cement are being unloaded. What on earth is happening? There is nobody around to answer our questions. If we wait long enough, nobody will need to. When we see the finished building, all the incomprehensible activity becomes comprehensible. "Oh! So this is what that was for." "I shall be satisfied when I awake, with Thy likeness" (Ps 17: 15 AV). - Elisabeth Elliot

life means so much

Every moment is a gift. Let us never forget it.

I'm up right now, unable to sleep for some reason. The clock reads 1:14 am. All is quiet in my house. I was catching up on reading some blog posts and came across several random blogs, all about either special-needs or premature babies. I don't know why God drew me to these stories this evening, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it would be to remind me of what I have.

To carry a baby for nine months and then give birth to a perfect little human being whose lungs work and whose brain functions and whose heart beats is in itself an unbelievable miracle. I think about parents who are dealing with all sorts of problems in their sweet babies, and I can't help but ask the Lord: "Why them? Why not me? Why not Anne-Kelly?" I think these things mostly because there was a time during my pregnancy when they ran innumerable tests on me and AKG, and they said words like "chromosomal abnormality" and "intrauterine growth restriction" or "insufficient placenta." During that time, I lived in fear of what was to come. I wondered what we might be facing when we brought our daughter into the world. And yet, here I am, one year later, able to peek into my daughter's crib and see her little chest rising and falling with each tiny breath. And you know what? Each one of those tiny breaths is a gift from God. Each one. Each blink. Each time she cries or spits up on me or looks at me for the millionth time, holds out her arms and says "ma-ma-ma-ma-ma." I pray that the Lord never lets me take her for granted. Not for one second.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." - Psalm 127:3

All to Him I owe.

Jesus paid it all

All to Him I owe

Sin had left a crimson stain

He washed it white as snow.

Have you stopped today to think about what this actually means? It means that we can live life without fear of getting what we actually deserve: an eternity of separation from God. We, and by we I actually mean me, often do not stop to really appreciate what Jesus did when He came to earth and died and rose again. And for who? For you and for me! Hallelujah, what a Savior, as the song on the radio says!

I want to live my life in light of what He did for me, but sometimes it seems so hard to be the mom and the wife and the daughter of God that I want to be. I look at my daughter in her attempts to learn to crawl and to stand up, and I can't help but feel like I'm just like that so many days in my life with Christ: a baby just learning to stand. But that's the beauty of grace. That's the whole point. We can't do it. We can never reach it, and yet Jesus died for us so we didn't have to strive in vain.

Do you know Jesus? If not, consider inviting Him into your life today.


A quick update, as I need to go to bed:

We've had Brent's mom here visiting all weekend. It has been a pleasure to spend this time with her, and I am so glad that Anne-Kelly got to see her grandma for an extended period of time. I know it did them both a world of good.

The one year anniversary of my father-in-law's death is coming up on the eighth of this month. It's going to be a very difficult day for the family, I know. Also, it will also be six months since Brent's dad's brother, Dale, passed away. As you might have read in prior blog entries, both had brain cancer.

We still do not always comprehend why God allowed this to happen in the life of our family, but we are confident that He has used it and will continue to use it to grow us, teach us, and draw others to himself through this entire experience. As Sara Groves said in one of my favorite songs: "I can't say that life will always go like it should/but I can say that God is always good." Amen. He is good, and we are thankful.

If you're looking for photos from Easter, or actually, from anything in the life of our family lately, there won't be any for a little while, as our camera is currently in the shop. Don't worry! Grandmas have been taking up the slack, but I don't actually have the photos on a disc to upload. I'm working on trying to procure them before too long, however. Also, I have some adorable photos from our Disney trip a few weeks ago that I would like to get up here before long. Be looking for those.

On the schedule for this week is watching one of Grayson's t-ball games tomorrow, mom and baby yoga on Tuesday as well as my Mothers of Preschoolers group at church, a dentist appointment Wednesday (ick!), and lots of fun play time in between. Hasn't God blessed us with tremendous weather lately? I hope it continues this week.

To close, an Easter haiku:

Blessings overflow
A husband, baby, Savior.
Thanks to God alone.

The Discipline of the Body

I'm currently reading a book by Elisabeth Elliot (surprise, surprise!) called Discipline: the Glad Surrender. The title is pretty much self-explanatory. However, it is teaching me so much that I thought I might share some of the insight I'm gaining with others. The last chapter I read was about the discipline of the body. This is not an easy topic to read about. And it's not what you think, either. She doesn't mention stopping smoking or drinking or anything obvious like that. She talks, instead, about how our physical state is really a gauge of our spiritual state. In other words, she says that God gave us this body to bring into submission under Him, and if we can't offer our bodies as "living sacrifices," as Paul says in Romans 1, then how are we to submit our hearts, minds, and souls to Him?

This can be a very touchy subject for many, myself included. Mostly because I am first in line when it comes to loving food. I have had to do a lot of searching and praying for discernment in this area in my life. I know I am not terribly overweight, but I am guilty of often over-indulging. I could certainly do better in taking care of my body. The Bible says that our bodies are temples of the Lord, and we should take care of them as such. In Discipline, EE points out that gluttony is one of the most problematic, most recognizable, but least-talked-about of sins in our society. She says that this is because it hits home with so many people, many preachers included, so we don't hear much talk about the seriousness of it.

First of all, eating in itself is not a sin, but in America it becomes one. We are a society of excess. Excess money, excess travel, excess clothing, and especially excess food. And on top of that, not enough exercise. Please note that I am pointing my finger at myself more than anyone else as I talk about this. I am very convicted about this area of my life. But to continue, in other parts of the world, food does not cause people to sin because there is simply not enough of it. Take Haiti, for example. Even before this horrible catastrophe, the nation was quite destitute, and for many Haitians, eating is not for their enjoyment but for their mere survival. To have enough food to eat is a luxury, period. We forget this in America. We are so blessed, and we should never forget it.

So, on that note, let me share what I am doing in response to this new knowledge. Maybe it will inspire someone else to search their heart and do something similar.

1. First, I went to the Lord and asked for His help. I knew I couldn't possibly have the strength to do it all on my own. I asked him what he would have me do, and for him to give me the strength to carry it out.

2. I did know that the number on the scale had, since Anne-Kelly was born, gone a bit higher, mostly due to my negligence in monitoring what I put into my body. I simply wasn't thinking. I knew that had to change, and I had to learn to eat in moderation and with wisdom. What that means is not merely counting calories, but eating things that are good for me. I'm not one to eat a lot of pre-packaged junk like cookies and chips, but I am the queen when it comes to having a sweet tooth. So, I've had to limit my intake of sweets. Too much sugar abuses your pancreas, and the Lord gave me that pancreas. It's part of his temple! I know that might sound a little crazy to refer to a pancreas as part of the temple of the Lord, but it's true. What part of your temple are you abusing? You lungs with cigarettes? Your arteries with fat intake and lack of exercise? Your liver with alcohol? This is just the tip of the iceberg. Another thing that Brent and I have felt led to do lately, which I mentioned in an earlier blog post, is eat as naturally and organically as possible. This means limiting our chemical exposure in foods. I shop at Whole Foods Market, and I only buy what's fresh and on sale. It's actually not much more expensive than what I was already buying! Part of our reasoning for eating organically is simply that we know that the Lord didn't intend for us to take in pesticides, herbicides, growth hormones, and other chemicals. Many chemicals used on fruits and veggies, as well as chemicals used as preservatives in other foods are known to be harmful. Some are even carcinogens, which leads me to the second reason we have decided to eat in this way. As you know, Brent's dad and uncle both passed away this year after battling brain cancer. This made us really take a look at how we care for our bodies, especially Brent's. Even though we don't know what caused Gary and Dale's cancers, we do know that we are not going to do anything to help our chances of developing cancer along. For more explanation on why eating organically is the way to go, click here.

3. Another thing I am doing, not food related, is changing what goes on my body. What I mean by this is taking a look at body care products such as deodorant, lotions, shampoo, and soap. We have switched to products that are as natural as possible, such as Burt's Bees baby products (paraben-free), Tom's of Maine deodorant (aluminum-free, paraben-free), and 365 Shampoos and Conditioners (paraben and phthalate-free as well). If you want to know more about parabens, phthalates, aluminum, and other harmful substances found in body care products, merely google them. You'll find all the information you need. I might write a post about it later, but they're not what I'm here to talk about today.

4. The fourth thing, and hardest for me to learn to do, is exercise. I knew the Lord was calling me to do this more than anything. Exercise requires discipline, takes care of the body, and it even does a lot to clear and focus the mind as well. I'm not talking about beating yourself to death running five or six miles daily. Some people can do that. But for me, simply taking a vigorous 30-minute stroll with Anne-Kelly seems to do the trick. As I get more in shape, I hope to do more, but as a mom, it is often hard to find the time. For a few quick exercises to fit into a busy mom's schedule, click here. Don't forget, though, that many things we moms do can also be counted as exercise. If you don't have time to specifically go out for a walk or to the gym, think about how you do your daily tasks. Laundry, kitchen chores, and cleaning can all be done quickly and efficiently, which can be considered physical exertion. Personal trainers may argue with this, but I think that just standing up and moving around more than sitting is beneficial for you physically.

5. The fifth thing is possibly the most important: sleep. Getting a good 7-8 per night is important, as your metabolism and energy level will suffer if you do not. See this link for more info. I'm sure some people would disagree, but the Lord has definitely convicted me about this area. Staying up late watching television or reading a book then not getting enough sleep causes me to be less of a mother and wife than I should be the following day. This is sinful. I owe it to my husband, my child, and especially the Lord who made me to get enough sleep. I do understand, however, that some people do not have a choice about the amount of sleep they get due to work constraints, etc. That is not what I'm talking about. Do not forget, either, however, that too much sleep can be sinful as well. I, too, am guilty of this behavior. Sleeping the day away, just like obesity, is quietly tolerated in the Christian community. We joke about not being able to get out of the bed in the morning, but in actuality, it is not a joke. The Bible refers to this as being "slothful," and I must say, I can be quite the sloth. This is another thing that I am trying to bring under Christ's Lordship. For more info on the harmful physical effects of oversleeping, click here.

Finally, I hope these personal insights have impacted you in some way. I merely encourage you to pray as well, and ask the Lord how you, too, can discipline your body for Him.

Acceptance

As a new mom, I've felt tempted many times to give in and give up when I seem to be faced with what feels like insurmountable obstacles. Launder, scrub, change the baby, feed the baby, repeat. In these superficially mundane tasks it is easy to feel disconnected from God and his almighty ways. This week, I have begun reading the Psalms, and I have been so refreshed by them. I'm only to the fourth Psalm, but I'm already so renewed. It is said that David was a man after God's own heart, but I can't help but think that I am a woman after David's heart! What I mean is that David was so honest about his emotions. So raw about his pain. So open about his conflicting thoughts and deepest hurts and most glorious triumphs. It's all there in the book of Psalms. It makes me feel so connected to David to see my own emotions reflected right there on the page. Anyway, through my readings this week I've realized that God not only sees my mundane chores, He is just as much glorified through them as he is through Pastor Randy's preaching on Sunday mornings!

For me, it was getting past the gratification part. When you think about it, and Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz, a favorite book of mine) once put it this way, the root of all sin is really our own selfishness. Human beings are basically only out for numero uno. Ever notice how we never really do anything unless we get something out of it? Want to donate to a charity? You'll get a tax write-off. Want to send money to orphans in Africa? We'll send you a free gift. And that's what I mean when I say it was all about me getting past the gratification part of work. I felt like I always needed a pat on the back when I did something, like if someone doesn't see it, then what's the point?? I see where you might think this is pretty immature and selfish of me and it is. However, I also believe that this is something that every human heart can identify with whether you want to admit it or not. This is real, ugly, sinful-heart stuff. So anyway, my amazing spiritual leader of a husband also told me this week to start praying that, as the verse says, all the work I do would be as if I were working for the Lord. I have read that verse many times, but it never really sunk in until I became a mom.

Being a mom is a selfless task, and one that I don't know if I'll ever master. By nature, I can be very selfish. I think this probably comes from having one of the most unselfish, self-sacrificing moms around. Not that she made me selfish. I just never had to learn to be unselfish. Mom always said I should have had more younger siblings and that they would have taught me to be more unselfish and giving. If my parents are guilty of anything, it's probably loving and giving too much to my brother and myself. I learned a lot about self-sacrificial love because of them. A cool thing that God has most of us mom's immediately hot-wired for, however, is sacrificing for our kids. And I'm relatively sure my husband would say dads are much the same way. As a mom I still have to fight some selfish tendencies, but the Lord definitely gives you a natural, in-born drive to sacrifice for your kids.

Which leads me to my main point. Or my second point. Or my third rambling. Whatever you want to call it: Staring down at this unbelievable little person lying in her crib makes me want to be a better person. And not just a neat-freak, fix-dinner-every-night-while-wearing-heels, Martha Stuart-ish type of perfectionist mom (which I'm tempted every day to reach for and never attain), but a real person. A person with flaws but who loves Jesus with her whole heart and who shows her daughter the way without telling her. A woman who sings her heart out for the Lord and lives by his Word and serves others. A mom who pours her whole heart, mind, and strength out for her family because she knows that it's the Lord's plan for her to serve her husband and raise her children even though that's not exactly part of her college degree.

So please pray for me that I'll be obedient to the Lord in all these things and find daily contentment in my anointed tasks as a mom. I think that's the only path to fulfillment in life. I encourage you to pray and seek what work the Lord has for you to do to serve him. It may not be glamorous, but I promise you it's beautiful in His eyes. It's only in acceptance of what God's will is for our lives right now that we find true peace. I'll end this post with an apropos poem by Amy Carmichael, a woman-missionary who spent her life pouring out herself for the Lord.

In Acceptance Lieth Peace

He said, "I will forget the dying faces;
The empty places,
They shall be filled again.
O voices mourning deep within me, cease.
'But vain the word; vain, vain;
Not in forgetting lieth peace.

He said, 'I will crowd action upon action,
The strife of faction
Shall stir me and sustain;
O tears that drown the fire of manhood, cease.
'But vain the word; vain, vain;
Not in endeavor lieth peace.

He said 'I will withdraw me and be quiet,
Why meddle in life's riot?
Shut be my door to pain.
Desire, thou dost befool me, thou shalt cease.
'But vain the word; vain, vain;
Not in aloofness lieth peace.

He said, 'I will submit; I am defeated.
God hath depleted
My life of its rich gain,
O futile murmurings, why will ye not cease?
'But vain the word; vain, vain;
Not in submission lieth peace.

He said, 'I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God tomorrow
Will to His son explain.
'Then did the turmoil deep within him cease.
Not vain the word, not vain;
For in acceptance lieth peace.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, and on a separate note: we went for a nurse-visit to get the Prevnar vaccine today. It's the one that helps prevent infections such as meningitis. Anne-Kelly did great. Cried a little, but forgot all about it as soon as I gave her her milk! She was such a champ. And she weighs fourteen pounds now! She's almost tripled in weight since she was born. I can't believe it. God is SO good. :) Many thanks for all the prayers.

a word of peace for us busy folks

Title: The Calm Spirit of Christ
Author: Elisabeth Elliot

Today is moving day. There will be plenty of reason for fretting and stewing, impatience, and turbulence. I am one who seems to feel that unless I do things or unless they are done my way, they will not be done right, and the day will disintegrate. But I have been watching the sea--very turbulent this morning because of a tropical storm hundreds of miles away--and I remember Him whose word was enough to calm it.

Speak that word to me today, dear Lord: peace. Let your calm spirit, through the many potentially rough minutes of this day, in every task, say to my soul, Be still. Even this day's chaos, with all its clutter and exertion, will be ordered by your quiet power if my heart is subject to your word of peace. Thank You, Lord.

In Christ alone, my hope is found...

I love the song, "In Christ Alone." I realize that you guys are probably thinking, "Oh gosh, she's talking about another song she loves." Haha, well I guess that just shows how big a part of my life music is. This particular song is one that is so very close to my heart. I've known it for several years, and I have often delighted in its words and sweet melody at various times in my life. The most recent time that I've had the opportunity to share this beloved song with others was at the funeral service of my father-in-law, Gary McDaris. I poured over various ideas when I was preparing for the service, and I wanted to pick just the right song in order to reflect the life-message of such an amazing Christian man. So it was no surprise that this song kept coming to mind.

Now, as I approach what I feel is probably one of the most important days of my life, I find myself full of thoughts, worries, and hopes. The juxtaposition of all these contrasting emotions has me feeling rather overwhelmed at times, and it is in those times that I just have to cry out to my heavenly Father for wisdom. Today, the wisdom he provided was through the words of this song. I was sitting at my piano and had been playing a few songs by my favorite artist, Sara Groves, when I decided to switch gears and look up the chords for some new praise and worship material. So I pull out the laptop and start looking things up. Somehow I end up on YouTube, as usual, and I type in something about worship songs or something. This great video that is set to Keith and Kristine Getty's "In Christ Alone" popped up. Wow, did the Lord ever speak to me through it. Again, this amazing little song washed over my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I encourage you to watch it. Go here to access the video.

Time to eat dinner - more posts coming soon!

The Case of the Missing Brain

I aptly entitled this blog, "The Case of the Missing Brain," because it basically fits what I've been going through lately! My ability to remember anything seemed to disappear as soon as I became nine months pregnant! And it's not only remembering things that I'm having trouble with (you know, the sort of...."I just walked into this room to get something, but now I can't remember what it is" kind of thing), but I'm also just plain, outright spacey! Now, I know some of you are just sitting there thinking to yourselves, "Rachel - you've always been a little spacey." Ok, point well taken. I am not exactly always overflowing in the common sense department, but things around here these days are just getting ridiculous! So, in the interest of this "case study," let me present some circumstantial evidence:

• Two nights ago, Brent and I had just gotten into bed and were trying to fall asleep when I suddenly remarked: "Gosh, it would be nice if we had a ceiling fan in here. I am so hot!" Well, needless to say Brent started laughing, looked at me, and said: "Honey, we have a ceiling fan. Look up." Totally forgot that I had a ceiling fan in my room! Now...how does that happen!?
• The other evening, things were winding down for the day, and I asked Brent if he would mind refilling my water bottle (or Nalgene as I call it). It had water in it, so Brent asked why I needed it refilled. I told him that I'd filled it up when I was at the pool earlier and it just didn't taste right! Again, Brent starts cackling and looking at me sideways. Then he remarks: "Honey, no wonder it doesn't taste good if you filled it up with pool water!" Ok, in my defense: I didn't fill it up with pool water. I filled it at the water fountain at the pool! However, I seem to have lost the ability to express myself clearly, so Brent just assumed that I had, indeed, been drinking pool water for several hours.

These are just two examples of what I've been going through. Ok, so I realize this is a little bit comical. It's just really hard to remember to do things! I know what you're thinking: make a to-do list, right? Well, the problem is that I make the to-do list, but then I lose it! Haha. Great, I know. I guess this is just how it's going to be from now on. Lots of moms, new and experienced, have told me that your brain subsequently disappears more and more after each child. So I'll be very interested to see how I'm doing by number three!

On a separate note, I went to perinatology (or paleontology, as I sometimes accidentally call it!), which is the specialist we've had to go to to do some growth scans for Anne-Kelly every three weeks. As I said in my earlier post, I had to quit working around 31 weeks. Long story short: I was measuring small, and they sent me to the specialist to make sure Annie was growing ok. The way they measure a baby for growth is by looking at the baby's head, abdomen, and femur (leg) length, and then averaging them. Annie looked normal in every other way, but her little abdomen seemed tiny. So, they said it could be caused by a number of things: 1. I could be getting preeclamptic/toxemia, 2. My placenta could be lagging a bit and not delivering nutrition completely normally, or 3. She could just be a small person! So, we went back after three more weeks (34 weeks), and everything looked good. Her abdomen was still small, but that was when they said it's definitely not preeclampsia, and if my placenta is lagging, it's not enough for her to really suffer. The only way it's affecting her is the fact that she's not quite gaining belly fat. They explained that when a baby's nutrition is a little compromised, that's the way that they "take care of themselves." They're fine without belly fat, so they conserve all the blood flow for their brains, kidneys, etc. And the good news it that I went back this morning at 37 weeks, and they told me I don't have to come back and see them anymore! Wahoo! They said that even though her belly is still little, she seems absolutely normal in every other way, so they're going to leave us alone! This is an answered prayer and a huge blessing. Please just pray that Annie-K continues to grow, and that once she's out here in the world that she'll really start packing on the pounds once I can start nursing her. Also, they think she's about 5 pounds 8 ounces right now, which is great :) If she stays in until 40 weeks (due date), they said she'll probably be somewhere between six and seven pounds.

All this excitement in the past few weeks surrounding Anne-Kelly has taught me a lot. I initially went into the situation with a "woe is me" mentality, worrying about every possibility, and basically trying to take care of things myself. I'm a "fixer" and a "doer" as I'm sure most of you know, and when something is out of my control, I'm usually not a big fan of it. This experience has been a wake-up-call from the Lord, saying, "Rachel: I know you better than you know yourself. I know what is best for you. Trust me." I've heard this over and over and over in my head for many weeks now, and it took a while before I accepted it. However, I have realized that fighting God and accepting His plan are two totally different things. By fighting His will, I felt like Jonah and the whale. I just kept getting swallowed up, overwhelmed, and enveloped in my own self-absorbed darkness. When I realized that by "casting my cares on the Lord" (1 Peter 5:7), I was really letting go of them myself, I felt an amazing burden lift. Instead of being in the belly of my own proverbial whale, I then found myself in a different Biblical tale: walking on the water with Christ. I know this is a familiar story to most of us, but I felt just like Peter when Jesus asked him to get out of the boat and step on to the waves. That water sure did look deep, but when I looked away from the water and into the face of Christ, I forgot all about my worries. And I can't tell you what a freeing experience it is to know that Jesus has all of my life in his more-than-capable hands. And more than that, to know that he has Anne-Kelly's life in his hands as well is pretty humbling.

As parents, and I use the term sparingly because I realize I'm not quite there yet and really have no wisdom on the subject, it seems like we always assume that we know what is best for our children. Amazing how these feeling cropped up for me even at this early stage. But how liberating it is to know that God not only knows me, but he knows Anne-Kelly and He sees every day of the life He has set before her. Wow! So I leave you with these words by David from the book of Psalm. I hope you read them, take them to heart, and stand in wonder at God Almighty who knows us all better than we know ourselves.

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongues,

behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,"

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

the darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's
womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in
secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the
earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of
them,

the days that were formed for
me,

when as yet there was none of
them.

- Psalm 139:1-16

A fresh start.

I have been meaning to actually start our family's blog back up for quite some time now. We're quickly approaching our due date with Anne-Kelly (3 weeks!), and I feel like a royal failure considering that I haven't started this up earlier.

As most of you know, Brent and I are living in Mauldin, SC, and our family and friends are spread out literally all over the US! So...we decided blogging would be a great way for people to catch up with our growing, changing family :)

So where do I begin? Let me start with a little recap: this has been a crazy year. We moved to SC exactly one year ago, and Brent started working for Duke Energy. He loves his job, which is great -- we couldn't be more blessed in that way. I worked this year as a teacher at Mauldin High School, teaching journalism and writing to kids there. I, however, had to go ahead and take off a little before the year ended at the advice of our doctor. Nothing is really wrong with Anne-Kelly or me, they just thought it was time for me to take things a little easier! I'm going to be staying home with Anne-Kelly next year, which I am super excited about! I cannot tell you how much joy it brings me to know that I get to spend this time with my child. It really is a blessing from the Lord!

On a sadder note, we have also experienced a great loss this year. As some of you know, Brent's father, Gary McDaris, fought a long, hard fight against brain cancer over the last year and a half. However, God saw fit to take Gary home on April eighth of this year. This has been beyond hard for our family to get through, but as Brent's mom has said many times, "God is getting us through this somehow." What a strong mother-in-law I am blessed to have. Her faith in this time in one of life's deepest valleys is truly awe-inspiring. Please remember us in your prayers as we continue the grieving process.

So those are the big things we've been dealing with. But we cling to God's promises, whether the day be dark or full of light: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28.

This has become a life-verse for us, and we claim it daily.

Which brings me to my next point: blessings. We have found it so important in these days of grief not to lose sight of the good things that God blesses us with daily. As Sara Groves once wrote in one of her earliest songs: "It's the every-day miracles/that keep my hope alive." This has been especially true for us. The blessing and impending arrival of a new life in our family is so exciting! From feeling those first little kicks, all the way through to now when she's almost here, we feel so blessed. We are both literally in awe of what God can do in creating this little life. We often sit in bed at night talking and asking ourselves questions like, "I wonder whose complexion she'll have," or "I wonder what her personality will be like," or even, "I wonder if she'll be musical like me or athletic like you?" All these 'wonderings' are fun, and we can't wait to see what's in store for us!

By the way, I also wanted to take time to explain how we arrived at our name choice: Anne-Kelly Grace McDaris. We put a lot of thought and prayer even into what to call this child, and we knew that we wanted the name to have meaning, depth, and a sense of family. We wanted a strong name that would carry her through her whole life well. So let me take it apart for you and explain what her name means for us:

Anne: Anne was an easy choice for us. Brent's mother's entire name is Sandra Ann, and being the literary nut that I am, my best-loved classic book growing up was Anne of Green Gables. Somehow, deep down, I think I always knew that I'd have an Anne. God just gave us all the more reason to use it by making it Sandy's middle name. As far as the spelling goes, for those of you not familiar with the book, Anne of GG always made sure that she was called 'Anne with an E,' so with Sandy's permission, we tacked the 'e' on the end for good measure! We are so pleased to name our child after her grandmother: an amazing woman of faith!

Kelly: Kelly is a name that I had always loved very much. It is the middle name of my grandmother, Patricia Kelly. Mee-ma, as she was always known to us kids, is also an amazing woman of strength and faith as well. I consider Mee-Ma more than a grandma to me: she's been a friend of my heart for my entire life. It is such an honor to name my daughter after a woman who invested so much in me. She was given the middle name Kelly after her grandparents. Kelly was their Irish surname.

Grace: Grace is a special name for two reasons: Brent's paternal grandmother is named Grace, and I couldn't think of a more beautiful name for a more beautiful person. She, too, is a woman that loves the Lord, and I have learned so much of her 'grace' and courage through watching her deal with the loss of her son. Her reliance on God is pretty unbelievable. Also, the word 'grace' itself is one that is so important in our lives: it's a beautiful word-expression of the love God had for us when he sent Jesus to die for our sins. It is our hope that this component of her name will always serve as a reminder of what the Lord did out of love for her.

So, as you can see, we consider her name pretty special. :)

Well, I guess I've rambled enough. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. And feel free to drop us a comment or a note if you'd like. We'd love to hear from you!